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SGA - Administration
So I was filling out my submission for ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
sga_santa and had it all nice and neat and then I got a really bad idea to request only one thing and then I thought I really could not bring myself to force someone else to write this (despite what ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
threnodyjones suggested), so I did it myself.
Title: Administration
Genre: Slash, slightly cracky, Ronon/Woolsey, background Sheppard/McKay
Rating: PG-13
Length: 1,005 words (I’m sorry?)
Season/Spoilers: Season 5
Summary: John happens across something he should not see.
Author’s Notes: I am sorry. It seemed funny at the time. I really am sorry. I’m also not sure whether this should be classified as a “rare pairing” or “needs brain bleach” entry.
Disclaimer: Not mine, the characters and such belong to people with far more money than me. I am making no profit from this.
~~~~~~~~~~
John was walking around the corner when he saw it: Ronon had Woolsey crowded up against the wall, hands on either side of his head so he could not escape as he leaned closer and growled something that was no doubt offensive. Just as John started to move forward to intervene, thoughts of the vast amounts of paperwork involved for an alien attacking an IOA representative circling through his head, something even more unbelievable happened: Woolsey laughed.
John stopped in his tracks and blinked. Woolsey was not known for his sense of humor, but he was far from the asshole everyone originally thought he was. He was self-serving and kind of manipulative and far too obsessed with protocol and reports to be healthy, but he was willing to bend the rules when the situation called for it, as long as you wrote up the reasoning in triplicate at your first opportunity.
He was also grabbing Ronon by the chin and pulling him in for a rather intimate kiss. A kiss that was rapidly becoming a full out make-out session if the way Ronon shifted his hands to grab at a suit-clad ass and hike it up to his level indicated anything.
John was going to turn away, really he was, but it was sort of like watching a train wreck and he found himself rooted to the spot. After far too long for it to have been a casual one-off, Ronon lowered Woolsey back to the floor. A far more chaste kiss on a cheek and a promise of dinner later, and Woolsey peeled himself away from the big guy’s grabby hands.
John darted back around the corner and watched as Woolsey passed, humming something that sounded old and operatic under his breath. He stood there for just a moment more as he both tried to figure out how to address the situation with his teammate and silently hoped Ronon had wandered off as well, leaving him both a way out and a way to convince himself it was all a horrific hallucination brought on by one too many bumps to the head. Instead, he heard the unmistakable voice of a certain large Satedan warrior call out, “Was there something you needed, Sheppard?”
He cursed his own cowardice, as well as the mental images currently playing in his head that pretty much guaranteed a lack of sex any time soon, and peered back around the corner to see Ronon standing there with an expectant look on his face.
He tried to think up something casual, something maybe about rules and regulations, and something that most definitely did not involve having caught Ronon with his supposed boss. Instead, what came out was, “So, you and Woolsey, huh?”
Ronon tilted his head back against the wall, a silly little grin across his face. “It’s that obvious, isn’t it?” he asked with a sigh.
“It was kind of hard to miss what with the groping and everything,” John pointed out. He scratched at the back of his head and blurted, “You sure you know what you’re doing?”
Ronon turned his head to the side and looked almost wistful. “No,” he admitted. He sighed and straightened slightly. “Look, I know how it seems, but it works, or at least has the chance to, you know?”
“But... Woolsey?” John asked, not finding a more tactful way to come at it. “You’re the big Wraith-killing alien guy and he’s...”
“An Administrator,” Ronon sighed, and that wistful tone was back. “I’ve always had a thing for them, but none of them would even give me a second glance back home. It was always warriors with warriors and, maybe if you’re lucky, healers. Administrators were always ‘look but don’t touch’...”
John swallowed, at a loss for anything to say. Ronon was waiting for something though, so he stuttered, “And Woolsey?”
He was graced with a truly frightening grin. “He lets me touch.” Ronon licked his lips in an unfortunately unmistakable way. “He lets me more than touch.”
John resolved to never have sex again. Rodney would get over it, eventually. Maybe if he shared the horror of what he had seen, McKay would commiserate with him and join him in his sudden turn to celibacy.
His nightmare was apparently not yet over though, as Ronon continued, a bit breathlessly, “John, he promised to teach me how to file. I’ve never... He said he’d even show me something called ‘dictation’ and said if I was serious about this he would get me desk blotter of my own!”
“I’m very pleased for you?” John still had no idea what to say, but it was apparently the right thing as Ronon beamed at him.
“We’re having dinner tonight,” Ronon confided. “I’m going to cook up one of the l’sarghs from the mainland and he’s bringing cognac to share.”
“You enjoy that,” John told him with as much seriousness as he could muster. He patted him awkwardly on the arm. “I plan on doing some drinking tonight as well and will think of you as I do,” he promised.
Ronon turned to look him in the eyes. “This could be the one, John.”
“I’m sure it’s something,” John agreed with a nod. He spared a glance at his watch. “Oh, hey, look at the time... I’ve got some Marines to go train.”
“Want some help?” Ronon offered. For a moment, John thought things had gone back to normal. Right up until he added, “Dick likes it when I get all sweaty.”
John repressed a shudder and nodded mutely. Rodney would be breaking out the not-so-secret stash of the good stuff tonight; there was no choice in the matter. Maybe, if he was lucky, he would black out and forget any of this ever happened.
“Oh, did you want to go on a double date some time? Me and Dick and you and Rodney?” Ronon asked as he started towards the practice rooms.
Or, possibly, he’d get drunk enough to fall off the pier. If he was lucky.
~~~~~~~~~~
Feedback is always welcomed. Even for this.
sga_santa and had it all nice and neat and then I got a really bad idea to request only one thing and then I thought I really could not bring myself to force someone else to write this (despite what threnodyjones suggested), so I did it myself. Title: Administration
Genre: Slash, slightly cracky, Ronon/Woolsey, background Sheppard/McKay
Rating: PG-13
Length: 1,005 words (I’m sorry?)
Season/Spoilers: Season 5
Summary: John happens across something he should not see.
Author’s Notes: I am sorry. It seemed funny at the time. I really am sorry. I’m also not sure whether this should be classified as a “rare pairing” or “needs brain bleach” entry.
Disclaimer: Not mine, the characters and such belong to people with far more money than me. I am making no profit from this.
~~~~~~~~~~
John was walking around the corner when he saw it: Ronon had Woolsey crowded up against the wall, hands on either side of his head so he could not escape as he leaned closer and growled something that was no doubt offensive. Just as John started to move forward to intervene, thoughts of the vast amounts of paperwork involved for an alien attacking an IOA representative circling through his head, something even more unbelievable happened: Woolsey laughed.
John stopped in his tracks and blinked. Woolsey was not known for his sense of humor, but he was far from the asshole everyone originally thought he was. He was self-serving and kind of manipulative and far too obsessed with protocol and reports to be healthy, but he was willing to bend the rules when the situation called for it, as long as you wrote up the reasoning in triplicate at your first opportunity.
He was also grabbing Ronon by the chin and pulling him in for a rather intimate kiss. A kiss that was rapidly becoming a full out make-out session if the way Ronon shifted his hands to grab at a suit-clad ass and hike it up to his level indicated anything.
John was going to turn away, really he was, but it was sort of like watching a train wreck and he found himself rooted to the spot. After far too long for it to have been a casual one-off, Ronon lowered Woolsey back to the floor. A far more chaste kiss on a cheek and a promise of dinner later, and Woolsey peeled himself away from the big guy’s grabby hands.
John darted back around the corner and watched as Woolsey passed, humming something that sounded old and operatic under his breath. He stood there for just a moment more as he both tried to figure out how to address the situation with his teammate and silently hoped Ronon had wandered off as well, leaving him both a way out and a way to convince himself it was all a horrific hallucination brought on by one too many bumps to the head. Instead, he heard the unmistakable voice of a certain large Satedan warrior call out, “Was there something you needed, Sheppard?”
He cursed his own cowardice, as well as the mental images currently playing in his head that pretty much guaranteed a lack of sex any time soon, and peered back around the corner to see Ronon standing there with an expectant look on his face.
He tried to think up something casual, something maybe about rules and regulations, and something that most definitely did not involve having caught Ronon with his supposed boss. Instead, what came out was, “So, you and Woolsey, huh?”
Ronon tilted his head back against the wall, a silly little grin across his face. “It’s that obvious, isn’t it?” he asked with a sigh.
“It was kind of hard to miss what with the groping and everything,” John pointed out. He scratched at the back of his head and blurted, “You sure you know what you’re doing?”
Ronon turned his head to the side and looked almost wistful. “No,” he admitted. He sighed and straightened slightly. “Look, I know how it seems, but it works, or at least has the chance to, you know?”
“But... Woolsey?” John asked, not finding a more tactful way to come at it. “You’re the big Wraith-killing alien guy and he’s...”
“An Administrator,” Ronon sighed, and that wistful tone was back. “I’ve always had a thing for them, but none of them would even give me a second glance back home. It was always warriors with warriors and, maybe if you’re lucky, healers. Administrators were always ‘look but don’t touch’...”
John swallowed, at a loss for anything to say. Ronon was waiting for something though, so he stuttered, “And Woolsey?”
He was graced with a truly frightening grin. “He lets me touch.” Ronon licked his lips in an unfortunately unmistakable way. “He lets me more than touch.”
John resolved to never have sex again. Rodney would get over it, eventually. Maybe if he shared the horror of what he had seen, McKay would commiserate with him and join him in his sudden turn to celibacy.
His nightmare was apparently not yet over though, as Ronon continued, a bit breathlessly, “John, he promised to teach me how to file. I’ve never... He said he’d even show me something called ‘dictation’ and said if I was serious about this he would get me desk blotter of my own!”
“I’m very pleased for you?” John still had no idea what to say, but it was apparently the right thing as Ronon beamed at him.
“We’re having dinner tonight,” Ronon confided. “I’m going to cook up one of the l’sarghs from the mainland and he’s bringing cognac to share.”
“You enjoy that,” John told him with as much seriousness as he could muster. He patted him awkwardly on the arm. “I plan on doing some drinking tonight as well and will think of you as I do,” he promised.
Ronon turned to look him in the eyes. “This could be the one, John.”
“I’m sure it’s something,” John agreed with a nod. He spared a glance at his watch. “Oh, hey, look at the time... I’ve got some Marines to go train.”
“Want some help?” Ronon offered. For a moment, John thought things had gone back to normal. Right up until he added, “Dick likes it when I get all sweaty.”
John repressed a shudder and nodded mutely. Rodney would be breaking out the not-so-secret stash of the good stuff tonight; there was no choice in the matter. Maybe, if he was lucky, he would black out and forget any of this ever happened.
“Oh, did you want to go on a double date some time? Me and Dick and you and Rodney?” Ronon asked as he started towards the practice rooms.
Or, possibly, he’d get drunk enough to fall off the pier. If he was lucky.
~~~~~~~~~~
Feedback is always welcomed. Even for this.
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(Also, I like that I have an appropriate icon to respond with. :D)
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I plan on doing some drinking tonight as well and will think of you as I do
Awesome word choice there.
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“I plan on doing some drinking tonight as well and will think of you as I do,” he promised.
A real John Sheppard plan. I'm sure Rodney will join him. Or maybe he could weasel a dose of Rohypnol out of Keller and blitz his short term memory before the horror really sets in.
he promised to teach me how to file
Filing Specialist Ronon Dex.
Just doesn't have the same ring as Weapons, does it?
::weeps with mirth::
I really don't think Santa, even SGA Santa (who has everything from fur-lined bondage cuffs to dildos in his present sack), could have come up with this for you.
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I just could not inflict this on another writer - it did not seem fair. *g* Very happy you liked the result though!
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Very funny!
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I like the character details, like the fact that Woolsey is humming opera, and that he's told Ronon to call him Dick. X)
“He lets me touch.”
Heh heh. Yum.
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I totally understand Ronon, I mean, those administrators sometimes... XD
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Double dating.... whoa.... that would be too weird.
Fun!
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It was freakin' hilarious to boot. You win at life.
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So funny! Yet, if I squint just right, I can see it! (I'm a very good squinter.)
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This weirdly reminds me of a due South/Red Green crossover I read years ago where Turnbull vacations in Possum Lake and manages to get it on with almost everyone, including complete headcase Ranger Gord. The feedback was along the lines of 'OMG, you slashed Ranger Gord, you totally win!' I'm not calling Woolsey a headcase, but OMG, you slashed Woolsey! Here is the internet. It's yours now. Use it in good health.
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