Scratching Post

Posting here just to get this out despite knowing pretty much no one still reads anything I put here.

I finished my story. As in my Story. The one that’s been in my head for literally 20 years, but out on hold while I did pesky things like feed my family and work for a living. Roughly 80K words for the first in what is a series in my own head. So many changes made throughout this time, both in my writing style and in issues like internalized misogyny and representation, but one thing remains: I fucking love my characters.

It’s because I love them so much that I’m afraid to go any further with this. Even if I knew how to submit to a publisher, to hear them say they hate it or even just hate one of my faves would kill me a little inside. It’s not perfect, it’s not for everyone, but it’s what I was capable of doing mixed with what I originally wanted.

Then there’s another fear. What if I go through the whole painful process to get it out into the world, and the world hates it? People who have read or heard tidbits about it tend to like it, but what if they are the exception and not the norm? What if it’s mocked or flogged or, as what happened to so many of my stories when I first started writing, what if someone steals large swaths of it and rubs it in my face when their version is successful and I fail?

Yes, these are a lot of what-if’s, but this is how my mind works. Over the past 20 years, I think I’ve grown as a writer, but I’ve also grown as a person with a fuck ton of anxiety. My mind tends to go to every possibility of failure and plan for it, even when I know it’s holding me back. I don’t know how to sell my work, or myself, enough to wave a flag and get people’s attention to give it a shot. I never have and it’s an uncomfortable concept to me. That said, it’s a necessity if I’m even going to try to get this sucker out there and I don’t know if that’s something I can do.

Anyway, I have rambled. Home during a day off with a snowstorm blowing outside and my kid curled up on the couch with all the pets, my mind needed to get at least some of this out. Thank you if you have read any of this at all.

Not that anyone will notice, nor care if they did, but I locked down pretty much all of my original fic snippets. New people are flooding in, old people are returning, and I actually am trying to get some of this stuff published, so...

[Re-read some of the old stuff, expecting to cringe. Instead I giggled my way through - I do so love these characters so very, very much.]

Still have some more angst and the "trial" to go, but I made the goal, damn it! *g*

Four days to go including today and I do believe I have writer's block.

I know there's a dramatic fight scene ending with angst ('cause you can never get enough of that) and then the actual rescue and then the memory and then the "Er, yeah, she decided he lives... but wait there's more!" part. I just... can't... get... the... words... out... Roughly 9K of them, actually.

Blah.

Done. As in complete. As in, other than what comes up in the editing process, everything is written. Topped out at 55,727 words.



I like totally get a hot chocolate for this, right?

One of my semi-minor characters in my K-Series/NaNoWriMo fic originally had the last name of Iscariot. I thought I was being subtle and sarcastic in equal parts. [Please remember, my original notes are from nearly a decade ago.]

He's not a bad guy, but he's also not a huge fan of the main characters. Throughout a long character arc that takes place over the course of more than one story, you find out why. IA officer, but on another team, and he is loyal to both them and to the IA. His nickname is Paulie which will either be short for Paolo or Paul depending on the answer to the actual question I am finally getting around to asking: Anyone have any suggestions for a new last name?

Edit: because spelling is important, really it is.