Scratching Post

Posting here just to get this out despite knowing pretty much no one still reads anything I put here.

I finished my story. As in my Story. The one that’s been in my head for literally 20 years, but out on hold while I did pesky things like feed my family and work for a living. Roughly 80K words for the first in what is a series in my own head. So many changes made throughout this time, both in my writing style and in issues like internalized misogyny and representation, but one thing remains: I fucking love my characters.

It’s because I love them so much that I’m afraid to go any further with this. Even if I knew how to submit to a publisher, to hear them say they hate it or even just hate one of my faves would kill me a little inside. It’s not perfect, it’s not for everyone, but it’s what I was capable of doing mixed with what I originally wanted.

Then there’s another fear. What if I go through the whole painful process to get it out into the world, and the world hates it? People who have read or heard tidbits about it tend to like it, but what if they are the exception and not the norm? What if it’s mocked or flogged or, as what happened to so many of my stories when I first started writing, what if someone steals large swaths of it and rubs it in my face when their version is successful and I fail?

Yes, these are a lot of what-if’s, but this is how my mind works. Over the past 20 years, I think I’ve grown as a writer, but I’ve also grown as a person with a fuck ton of anxiety. My mind tends to go to every possibility of failure and plan for it, even when I know it’s holding me back. I don’t know how to sell my work, or myself, enough to wave a flag and get people’s attention to give it a shot. I never have and it’s an uncomfortable concept to me. That said, it’s a necessity if I’m even going to try to get this sucker out there and I don’t know if that’s something I can do.

Anyway, I have rambled. Home during a day off with a snowstorm blowing outside and my kid curled up on the couch with all the pets, my mind needed to get at least some of this out. Thank you if you have read any of this at all.

I wrote something! Technically three somethings! After writing practically nothing for months and barely even feeling like editing existing pieces!

One is like 90% done.

One is like 70% done.

One just needs the final re-read through and possibly a better title. That one finishes off the Respiration series that I totally thought I had already posted but apparently hadn't even written yet. Sorry?

So, yeah, kinda happy. Apparently it's the correct type of stress at work as I'm actually being productive. :)

I have a fic of roughly 32K that I'm getting ready to post. When I write, I tend not to break up into individual chapter, but might put a break in to denote time has passed. One or two of these combined might equal a suitable chapter length. I think.

So, preference question:
Do you prefer to read fic divied up into individual chapters, or one big chunk to process all at once?

I usually choose the chunk at once, but have to admit that there's a downside to reading it on mobile when it refreshes for whatever reason. My partner says she strongly dislikes the all at once for precisely that reason.

Giant coding post of coding time...

Managed to complete a Border Bingo, which was my goal this time out. Go me?

Fandoms: Agents of SHIELD, Avengers (MCU), Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters, Outlander, Orphan Black, Stargate: SG-1
H/C: accidents, asphyxiation, burns, caught in a robbery, difficult/unexplained pregnancy, disappearing, estrangement, headaches/migraines, insomnia, loss of home/shelter, magical trouble, rape/non-con, wings, witch hunt, unexpected consequences of planned soul bonding, unconsciousness

( Fills Below the Cut )

( Card Below the Cut )

I was going to post a fic I finished about a character I like that was both semi-dramatic and fit a prompt.

Instead, I wrote a fic about a character I don't like that doesn't quite apologize for him so much as try to understand his thoughts that also fits a different prompt.

Can I just go back to writing the accidental soulmates pseudo-porn now?

Okay, so there's this thing. I love feedback, adore it, get super excited every time I see someone has commented on something I have written.

And then I have no idea how to respond.

Thanks, thank you, and variations there of are appropriate, but don't seem like enough. Especially when someone leaves awesomely long commentary on what they liked and why. And then I wonder how to respond. And then I debate it. And debate it. And then I fail to respond at all.

Um, sorry?

Please know that if I do not immediately respond to feedback and kudos and comments and the like that it's not because I am an ass. I just kinda sorta don't know what to say. And then fail to say anything useful at all.

Crossposting to Tumblr too because, really, I suck at this and need to own up to it.

So wolfie74 and I have been watching Agents of SHIELD and she wants a fic wherein Skye is secretly Tony Stark's daughter and yes, I have been debating writing that one, but it's just not there yet.

I've been on an odd kick of pairings lately (it started with intense Fringe!feels, especially Redverse!feels) and now have delved a bit into Steve/Darcy as snarky friends if not more.

On the way home tonight, I had a thought. This thought may, of course, change. As of right now though, I want fic wherein Darcy is secretly a Buchanan. As in Bucky. As in Bucky's little sister is Darcy's grandma. As in all the awkwardness when this is revealed and they are getting ready to re-integrate the Winter Soldier and he discovers, as either Clint or Tony will so eloquently put it, that Steve "has been tapping that for months." Queue Steve with a black eye, Darcy with attitude towards her pseudo-great-uncle, and no one saying a word.

Yes/no?

It's perfectly logical to add a character from Fandom A to a fic about Fandom B, right? Even though said character played a relatively minor role in the fandom and the character's fate is ambiguous as to whether or not said character survived, right?

Not even sure if I'm going to make this an actual crossover, or if I just want her there in the background. Though she may be called a Mary Sue if she knows even half of what she did in the original canon and people don't recognize her for who she is.

*looks at past few stories posted*

I really need to post something where Clint is not beat up physically and/or emotionally. Before I post the next few where Clint is beat up physically and/or emotionally.

We're in the midst of MN winter which means the following: days upon days of the base temp (not including windchill) being between -5 and -15 degrees (F), windchills of -35 to -45 degrees (F), weather fluctuations setting off migraines, an office space that cannot keep warm to save its sorry little soul, and the obligatory sinus/ear infection.

But, hey, we also randomly get snow (just not like we did two years ago where it was piled higher than the cars) and ready made excuses to drink as much hot chocolate as we can, with or without augmentation of the alcoholic kind, so there is an up side.

I have been writing, for really, but nothing is ready yet. One story is just barely begun with like less than 2K, one is almost done (75% maybe?) with 9K, and one is taking over my life with 16K and probably not even halfway completed, which usually means no one will read it but, whatever, I'm having fun writing it. Would like to clean up a huge Sherlock one I wrote a while back, but doubt I will get around to it anytime soon. Maybe I should do one of those WIP memes?

I currently have no plans to participate in the awesome halfamoon this year, but highly recommend anyone and everyone go check it out. 14 days devoted to awesome female characters of awesomeness - what's not to like?

Anyway, that's sort of a status update for now: writing fic, reading fic (some very wonderful stuff I should probably make a recs post about sometime), work, family, and being sucked into the black hole that is Tumblr. [For anyone interested, I am waitingtodance over there. I had a grand idea for a theme and such at one point, but now it's pretty much moved on to "ooh, pretty!" territory.]

So, yeah, that's life?